Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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