Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
