He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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