You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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