He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
