No, you can still breathe under the balls.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
