i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
