Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
