you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
