yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
