I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
