you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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