his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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