YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
