yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
