Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
