I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
