ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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