i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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