I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
