Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
