The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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