i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
