she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
