So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my sisters under your porch take her home
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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