who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
