so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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