Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
