Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
