This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
