my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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