I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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