well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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