Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
