I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
