Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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