i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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