I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
