I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
