its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
