Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
