i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
