we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
