I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
