Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
