This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
