how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Randomize
