Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
