it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
