I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
