somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
