nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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