Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
